Dear you...

I'm flawed. I say some really mean stuff when I'm in a fight. You are flawed, at any sign of trouble you bail. Just like i say dumb stuff you run. Do you know how bad it hurts to know i would have done anything to make it work, to keep us together and that you didn't even want to try? I don't put all the blame on you. I did my share, but you didn't seem to care how sorry i am for what i said. instead you sent me a text, not even a phone call, to tell me its over.

when did i become the girl that doesn't deserve a phone call? when did i become the girl you couldn't stand to talk to? when did i become the girl you treat like you hate? I'm the same old chanel that you feel in love with. I'm still the girl you said you wanted to marry on our first date at the crowne. Did you forget who i am? that text was so mean. It literally broke me. Not only did i lose my soul mate, but i felt like i wasn't worth anything. Am i so horrible you cant stand to talk to me? If i am, I'm truly sorry.

I'm starting to think i made it all up in my mind. Maybe you were just a dream about my life. I found this video....




I don't think you will ever come back to me. I know you too well to expect you to ever think you may have been even slightly wrong in this situation. Lord knows you made it very clear i shouldn't come to you.

For what it is worth, which probably isn't a lot, I am sorry. I am sorry for snapping when you said you weren't coming out to visit me that weekend. I'm so sorry for my actions that night.

If i could change it, i would. I cant change what i said though, and i cant change your actions either. I do hope that the song in the video happens in my life, but maybe this song isn't for you.

Maybe i need to start healing so whoever is running I'll be ready for? ugh
I don't ever want to love again I think i used up a lifetime of love on you. I'm a broken mess who loves a man that doesn't want to be with me. I have changed, I'm sorry i lied earlier in this post. I don't think I'll ever be the same since you came into my life. You have changed me, and for that, for that i.hate.you. Because now i know what it feels like to love. I counted on that love, i became dependent on that love. Now that i no longer have it, I'm lost. Your love is my crack. I'd do whatever to have one last hit of it.