Off my mind.

After several weeks of probing and observing you I have come to one conclusion. I will not be like you.

My whole life everyone has compared me to you, stating how similar we are. And now the only comment people make is how I will end up just like you. You are great, really. I enjoy hanging out with you and chatting, but honestly besides our strong will, sarcasm and few similar opinions we are nothing alike.

I am more intelligent, fiercely independent, wiser and stronger than you. Ya we do share some matching characteristics, so maybe I'll end up like you in that department, but I'm gonna be a better you. I'm not gonna settle on this, I expect the best and I will hold to these convictions. This is a vow to myself that I will not end up an unwed mother or settle with my husband. Nope! I refuse. I love me too much to just become like you and all the other women in my family.

On that note I've been studying marriage these past few years and I think I have some high expectations. Shouldn't that be how it is? I don't want "Mrs." to define who I am. I was made by God in his image, and yes relationships are important but I think he did a pretty damn good job making me, so why should I only be "complete" once I'm married? Is single me just a shit job God did and them realized it so he made someone else to fulfill me? I don't think that's how it works. And when I see all these girls just waiting for a man to come love them and finally pop the question...it just makes me sad and disappointed.

I want my future marriage to ignite my passions and inspire my actions. I want it to challenge me in my living, but I don't want it to become the only thing about me. I don't want it to be something that happens because I don't think I can live by myself. I don't want to settle. I think marriage should be two best friends promising to witness one anothers lives, encouraging and loving each other. I just don't think it's right when someone else defines who you are, because when that person dies or leaves you, you then lose yourself. Ugh. I just think that marriage should be something beyond a step in life, or a ring, wedding, house, bridal dress or a facebook album. I think marriage should be more than wanting to call someone your husband, I think it should be more...ehhh I don't know the words to describe what I'm thinking. I think I just expect more out of it than everyone else my own age does. I just expect more out of me.