Thinking in form of a blog...

Something’s I’m thinking about.
Today is another day just like all the rest. Nothing stopped, nothing held still, just kept going.
Tomorrow is another interview for a job I dream about in class and in my sleep.
And as I will sit in the beautiful office overlooking Lake Washington I will wonder where I fit in this, this other world of grownup jobs and 401ks.
Now I will wonder where you fit in this, my life.
I hate silence and fighting and contempt. It breeds nothing but anger and bitterness. I need it to stop. I need me to stop and understand.
I’m still angry at the world and God. I’m angry at you still. I’m mostly angry at me for not being able to keep it together.
I think I will fail tomorrow, I think I will fail like I have before. I don’t think I’m good enough for you or that I will ever be what you want me to be.
I miss my friends I’ve left; I miss the friends I have. And now I’m going to study for a text I won’t pass, in a class I hate, and then read a book you told me you loved.