LAUGHSSS

If you would like to laugh ask me to email you my computer diary from soph year.
DO IT!

Here is an insert from diary freshman year:

"Maybe one day we will all wake up and say “what the heck? This is the dream I have been having?” This is everything? And then we will say maybe yesterday shouldn't have came, and maybe tomorrow is a grime hope of the past we live today, and where shall we go when we wake up?
Back to a counterfeit dream?
No. then we will change it. We will say that our dream life and real life will not meet this way. And we will take it and we will hold it, and it will finally become ours. And we can live knowing that after we woke up we did something of importance and secured a brighter future."


Insert Diary from sophomore year
"May 1, 2007

It just seems so freakin stupid now you know? The other day I was on my weekly date with Lisa Tucker (Annie and Katie were also present like always) and Lisa was telling us about one of the latest episodes of Greys Anatomy where the main character Meredith is on her death bed and she realizes how stupid it was for her to hold back in her relationships and love. Lisa kept going on and at the time I thought I realized what she was talking about. But I didn’t. Not until today.
Today was a day full of challenges, rewards and events of life. There were fights, job interviews, dog walking, boy problems and family issues, everyday events that challenge us. But in the middle of all of this I realized how fragile life is and how much we don’t cherish it. Like Grey, I was asked to contemplate my actions and beliefs and made to come up with a decision. Life asked me the ultimate question “will you continue on the path you are on or will you decide to become everything you were created to be?”
I look back upon my life with a heavy heart, the road was not always easy there will bumps, dips and obstacles in the way, yet somehow I survived. My world has crashed in the past and I am still here, happy and with hope. Wait a second! That’s not supposed to be what happens when the world goes dark! You are supposed to die and stop carrying on, am I right? So if I survived so far, how come I let it hold me back? Obviously the hardest part about going on after something tragic/hard/hurtful happens to you is continuing as if nothing happened at all. It doesn’t happen; we keep that memory of pain and depression and let it dictate our future. We hold back part of ourselves our heart, our mind, our bodies the list can continue. Why do we let this happen?
You know some of us have lost parents, and kids and loved ones and we know pain. We know what happens after the crash, but I don't think God asked us, or created us for that matter, so we can hold back because we were ‘hurt.’ I don't think in Heaven God says “ok so I realized you never loved like you should have or even gave anyone your all, but that’s ok because when you were 12 your crush called you fat and then when you were 20 you got cheated on by your boyfriend.” I’m about 99 percent positive that those words will never come out of his mouth. So why do we do it? Why hold back on becoming the creation we were intended to be?! It’s so stupid!
It is just stupid that I don’t let people get personal with me, and that I refuse the notion or idea of even dating seriously. Why, because I have meet a few bad apples? Oh well, the scares heal the memory starts to go away, it’s so stupid that I am willing to hold back my heart and my life because once upon a time I was hurt. I’m not dead, they didn’t kill me, and no one physically took out my heart and caused it to stop beating. It just really pisses me off that I am not willing to give my all to anyone or anything not even God. It’s so stupid! Why do we let our pasts control our future and manipulate our emotions and feelings, and our actions? Because you know one day we will be like Grey and we will be looking back and we will see all that we didn’t accomplish because we were afraid.
Girls stop being afraid that our bodies aren’t good enough that we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough. That is so pointless! The body will be nothing one day, so why place so much value in it? Why let it stop you from giving your all? It is pointless, literally pointless, if you can’t see that by placing all your value on your looks and in what you eat/don’t eat you are missing the point God has tried to make to you. And you can never become what you were created to be. Never, ever! So stop! Stop holding back!
People don’t expect a lot from other people, and I am guilty of this, but maybe we should expect a lot from ourselves. I don't think we should half ass life anymore. Can we all just say Fuck you fear! And give it the finger and live life the way it was intended to be lived? Forget about the fight with your parents, it doesn’t matter. Forget that you gained the freshmen fifteen, it doesn’t matter. Forget that you have been hurt and broken, it doesn’t matter anymore! No of it matters, and the sooner we begin to realize that the sooner we can live. We can just live!!!! What the fuck have we been doing? Dear God we are a bunch of idiots running around here. I’m going to go give it the finger and say fuck another time or two, I feel that this stupid deception I allowed to control my life deserves only the harshest words and gestures I can possibly give it. AHH IT’S JUST SOOOOO STUPID NOW!!! Seriously it is so stupid now. None of it matters anymore, and I’m pissed that I ever thought it did. So stupid stupid stupid stupid!"