Dear Influences,

To both the positive and negative, thank you.

I look back once again upon my journey to where I currently have arrived in life and I think "Oh geez." If it were to be tracked in terms of a drawing it would be all squiggles and mazes. That is the beauty, the essence of it. Never have I imagined I would end here in life. I live the banker dream in Billings Montana, with a solid successful beginnings of a career, my own place, two fish (which I love dearly) and new friends/family. It could have been a lot easier to reach this place, I could have taken the first plane out here after graduation. But as the late great Frank Sinatra would say, I did it my way. Not a wise move, but because I was foolish I gained wisdom. Not a loving moving (more of a move out of hurt and anger)but because of that I have learned to love deeper and stronger. And most importantly it was a move with a soul focus of me, and because it was selfish I have learned the importance of giving and of God.

There were times when I had no one else but him here. I was lost and hurt. No other words could describe the place I had brought my own heart to. It was me that made it that way. He held it and he worked it and now it is strong. It is powerful. My heart it whole, and pumping and giving and loving. It is seeking love out despite the fact I don't want it to. My inner hurt resentment and bitterness have made me hold on to something so dark and evil. But my heart shows me what it could be like. God shows me how great this love can be. And so I am reminded of my favorite scripture in the Bible, the one that all my dreams are placed upon, the verse my whole faith is founded upon: "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

Fear, anger, frustration, envy and resentment have taken too much from me. It is time I grew up a little more and took on this idea of love seriously with abandonment. Seek out God everyday at work. Fight to find his love with my friends and coworkers. Continue to see his love in me. It is here that I find myself. It is here I am content.